Brexit talks: Britain begins preparations to begin negotiations to begin to leave the European Union

LONDON, UK - Parliament has officially announced its intention to begin procedures to begin preparations to begin negotiations to begin the triggering of Article 50 to begin the formal separation of the United Kingdom and the European Union.

On June 23, 2016, the United Kingdom unanimously voted to leave the European Union due to long-standing migrant, economic, and safety concerns. In order to reflect widespread public enthusiasm and support for Brexit, Parliament provided itself with an ambitious 2 year deadline for departure.

In preliminary negotiations, the UK has reluctantly agreed to retain all free market and transportation conveniences while not being obligated to contribute to EU funding, at the behest of EU leadership.

“We are searching for ways to opt out of the free market and place ourselves in the most awkward diplomatic and economic position possible at the moment,” said MP Bungle Bunginham.

“There is literally no better future for Britain than the one you have forced us to take,” he added.

Attitude in Parliament was described as “intense eagerness” to leave the EU as soon as possible in order for Britain to regain control of itself and resume its conquest of the East Indies.

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Eric Cheng '18 contributed reporting.