Trump Wins 2020 Election
WASHINGTON D.C. - Great Leader Trump has won the 2020 US Presidential election in a decisive victory against whatever filthy communist who ran against him.
As America prepares itself for four more years of the Great Leader’s brilliance, Lawrenceville Out Loud has gathered some of Great Leader’s most pivotal moments of his first term.
The first few months of the Great Leader’s 2016 election was met with controversy and protest as Treasonous Clinton was expected to win the election with ease. Only after the introduction of political camps near the town of Siberia, North Dakota, did the American people seem to more readily accept the Great Leader’s indisputable brilliance.
The Great Leader swiftly announced his Four Year Plan within his first days in office. Thanks to the Great Leader’s sagacity, steel and grain outputs have increased tenfold in all 50 prefectures. For instance, Eastern Coast Administrative Region #12181787, formerly known as New Jersey, saw a considerable increase it its iron working capacity.
As unemployment fell to a historic -6.7%, America brought her full manufacturing capacity to bear with all foreign trade wholly eliminated promptly ended by the Great Leader.
Due to the One True Party’s majority in the Trump Tower of Representatives and the Senate, large scale changes to gun laws in the US were easily passed. Mandatory assault rifle ownership for all citizens aged 5 and older has resulted in the eradication of petty crimes such as theft or first-degree murder.
Other firearms-related regulation such as the banning of low capacity magazines (defined as magazines with a capacity of less than 60 rounds) has made Americans a formidable opponent of terrorism and thugs.
With his tremendous success in securing economic safety and firearm rights for Americans, the Great Leader now intended to end one of the costliest and failed government programs the nation had seen. Despite what was promised, the Great Leader only made slight changes to the horrific Affordable Care Act, such as its renaming to Trumpcare.
US citizens now enjoy all the bandages and dental floss they could possible desire. However, rare medical visits that are anything more or that of an annual check-up are not covered by Trumpcare.
The US Department of Attack, formerly known as the Department of Defense, oversaw the merging of the US and Russian militaries, with the cooperation of President Vladimir Putin. President Putin, who had just recently won his 13,094th term in office, eagerly welcomed the merge as a sign of international cooperation.
A more serious note from an editor: This is not an article criticizing Trump, nor his large opposition. While we cannot condone the violence and racism that Trump’s supporters are sometimes associated with, this article was not written to defend his base of support. Instead, this article was written in response to the concern that the President-elect would be the absolute end of the US.
Eric Cheng '18 contributed reporting.